BIRD MEMES

CARDINAL JOKES

Why couldn’t anyone recognize the cardinal?
It was wearing a mask and in da skies (disguise).
Why wasn’t Cardinal Sicola ever elected as pope?
Because they didn’t want a Pope Sicola.
Did you hear that the Cardinals cannot serve beer at their games this year?
They lost the opener!
My daughter saw a bird fly by during breakfast and said, “Oh look, a cardinal!”
My son then immediately replied, “No, I think that’s called a pope!”
I remember sitting in the car with my parents back in the day and a discussion about birds arose. They began talking about the lifespan of cardinals…
My mom asked my dad, “How long do cardinals live?”
He responded, “Probably at least 70 years.”
She immediately asks, “Really? What makes you think they live that long?!”
He responds, “Well, I figure the pope is about 80 something!”
Did you hear about the pope catching the bird flu?
He caught it from a cardinal.
What did the cardinal say during the snowstorm?
Birrrrrrd!
What kind of bird runs the church?
A cardinal.
What type of soap do cardinals use?
Dove.
How does a cardinal with a broken wing land safely?
It uses a sparrowchute.
What do retired cardinals do for fun on the weekends?
They play flabingo.
Why did the cardinal receive a ticket?
It broke the law of gravity.
How do you catch a unique yellow cardinal?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame cardinal?
The tame way — Unique up on it.
Why did the young male cardinal get into trouble at school?
It was caught tweeting on a test.
What do you call cardinals that break laws and end up in jail?
Jailbirds.

bird jokes

What type of birds are religious?
Birds of Pray
What do you call a bird that wins on Jeopardy?
A know-it-owl
Two birds run into a bank. Bird 1 asks Bird 2, “What are we doing here?”
Bird 2 quickly responds: Robin
What is the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?
One requires “tweetment” and the other requires “oinkment.”
Did you hear the owls having a party last night?
It sounded like a real hoot!
What did the turkey say when he forgot to study for his test?
I’ll just have to wing it!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
What does a turkey say when it is using a computer?
Google! Google!
Why did the owl join a dating site?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself anymore.
I just published a book about birds…
It flew off the shelf!
What do you call a parrot that just flew away?
A polygone.
My friend told me that he wanted to have an eagle for a pet.
I immediately said, “Don’t you know that would be ill-eagle?"
What did the dad turkey say to his stubborn child?
If your mother could see you now, she’d be turning over in her gravy!
Why does the flamingo stand on one leg?
If it lifted both legs, it would fall over.
I got into a huge fight with a bird while I was down south.
I have no egrets.
Why are turkeys not allowed to go to church?
They only use fowl language.
What type of birds are always sad?
Bluebirds.
What do you call an owl that does magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What do you call a rude turkey?
A jerky.
Did you hear about the crow on the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long-distance caw.
What does a one-legged turkey say?
Wobble! Wobble!
What did the magician penguin say?
Pick a cod — Any cod!
What do you call a Medieval bird?
A Knight Owl.
What did the duck eat with his soup?
Quackers.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove it wasn’t chicken.
What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of crackers.
When is the best time to buy a bird?
When it is going cheep.
What do you call it when an owl has an upset stomach and it makes his grumpy?
Irritable Owl Syndrome.
How many cans do you need to make a bird?
Toucans.
What kind of bird can you buy at the grocery store?
Kiwi.
What is the turkey’s favorite Halloween costume?
A goblin.
What kind of a bird can carry the most weight?
A crane.
I arrived home from a vacation to discover a bird broke into my home and destroyed everything.
It used a crowbar.
What do you call an owl that can time travel?
Doctor Hoo.
Who is the penguin’s favorite relative?
Aunt Arctica.
What do you get when you cross a duck with fireworks?
A firequacker.
What did the turkey say to the hunter?
Quack, Quack, Quack!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird.
What type of bird will rob you while you are bathing?
A robber duckie.
Where do birds invest their money?
The stork market.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Hide and Speak.
What do you get when you teach a turkey witty comebacks?
A turkey who roasts YOU.
Why do scientists think that hummingbirds hum?
They never remember the words.
How do black birds remain together in a flock?
Velcrow.
What type of bird is always out of breath?
A puffin.
Why are turkeys so bad at baseball?
They only hit fowl balls.
What language do geese speak?
Portugeese.
Where do crows go to get drunk?
A crow bar.
What is smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee.
What do flamingos do at parties?
They flamingle.
What do you give a sick bird?
Medical Tweatment.
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen.
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?
It was a dirty double-crosser!
A duck walked into a store and asked, “Got any candy?” The storekeeper said, “No, we don’t.” The next day, the duck went into the same store and asked, “Got any candy?” Annoyed, the storekeeper said, “No, we don’t.” The duck kept returning to the same store every day for a week and asked the same question. One day the storekeeper got so angry that he said, “If you come in here and ask for candy again, I will hit you on the head with a hammer!” The next day, the ducked walked into the store and asked, “Got a hammer?” The storekeeper said, “No, we don’t.” The duck then asked, “Got any candy?”
What does a cat call a hummingbird?
Fast food.
What type of math are Snowy Owls really good at?
Owlgebra.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Illegal.
What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb?
A bald eagle.
How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?
Toucan do it.
Why do birds fly south?
Because it is too far to walk.